Crawling out from my under my horribly hectic shell. This piece of news got me properly excited today. Until I realised I may not be in the right country for the right dates. But then it seemed to turn out okay and I am excited once more.

Tool European Tour

5/26 - Lisbon, Portugal / Superrock Festival
5/27 - Madrid, Spain / Festimad
5/29 - Barcelona, Spain / Razzmatazz
5/30 - Lyon, France / Transbordeur
5/31 - Luxembourg City, Luxembourg / Rockhal
6/2 - Germany / Rock AM Ring
6/3 - Germany / Rock IM Park
6/4 - Landgraaf, Holland / Pink Pop Festival
6/6 - Hamburg, Germany / Sporthalle
6/7 - Berlin, Germany / Columbiahalle
6/8 - Dusseldorf, Germany / Philipshalle
6/11 - Glasgow, Scotland / Academy
6/13 - Hammersmith, UK / Apollo
6/14 - Hammersmith, UK / Apollo
6/16 - Switzerland / Interlaken Festival
6/17 - Vienna, Austria / Nova Rock Festival
6/19 - Milan, Italy / Filaforum
6/21 - Rome, Italy / Foro Italico
6/22 - Bologna, Italy / L R Arena
6/24 - Poland / Katowice Spodek
6/25 - Prague, Czech Republic / T Mobile Arena
6/27 - Amsterdam, Netherlands / HMH
6/28 - Paris, France / Le Zenith
6/29 - Belgium / Werchter Festival
7/1 - Denmark / Roskilde Festival
7/4 - Kristiansand, Norway / Quart Festival
7/7 - Gothenburg, Sweden / Metal Town Festival
7/9 - Finland / Turku Festival

Let it be said that Lost is clearly inspired and adapted from the Last Flight of Noah’s Ark (1980). Plane crash, animals, children, military, makeshift rafts, anger, romance, jungle and so on. It’s where it all started.

From the BBC TV page: ‘High living pilot, Noah Dugan, is hired by a prim evangelist to fly a vintage B-29 bomber full of livestock to a South Pacific Mission. Unbeknown to them, two stowaways have climbed on board, and what should have been a routine flight turns into an adventure of a lifetime for all involved.’

So I have returned to the Netherlands, and as well as a grand pile-up of work awaiting me, there is a concert dilemma. This coming Friday (the 24th) sees two good concerts in two different venues, and while I’ve experienced that quandary lots in Scotland, rarely has it happened in Rotterdam.

The choices?

Well, I’ve gotten into Voicst lately and they’re playing Nighttown with zZz. I had liked them previously, but when their album 11-11 got released last year, I just never bothered to listen to it for whatever reason. But in January I finally decided to try it while out and about with my mp3 player, and was a bit shocked when I seemed to know all the songs. So I’ve been listening to them quite a bit and would really like to see them live properly. And zZz too, actually, although I have seen them before.

But I arrived home to an email saying that That Dam Magazine are venturing southwards for a gig in Rotterdam to mark the release of their 12th issue and it contains some bands I’d really love to see, not forgetting the That Dam guys are good people. The gig is in WORM and features acts like the Hospital Bombers, John Wayne Shot Me, Aux Raus, Needle & The Pain Reaction, Gotthard, Pfaff, Bart und Ernst, Arthur Wevers and Ronald Snijders.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. The final decision will come down to what others want, weather and transport, but I think in my heart I have to recommend That Dam just a teeny bit more. If only because Voicst already have the backing to tour the country, whereas it’s a bold move for That Dam to leave the safety of Amsterdam and I want it to be a success so the trend may continue. But both are worthy causes, so if you’re in the area, do choose one.

mp3: Eerlijk is Heerlijk
mp3: Tornadologie

website: http://ilselau.de/

I came across this German trio again last week, as they’re playing in Holland this coming week. Weirdly I can’t actually find tour dates on their site, but they’re due in OCCII in Amsterdam on February 16, and from memory, they’re in Rotterdam at Poortgebouw on the 19th. If there are other Dutch dates I’m missing, I’m sorry.

Anyway, they’re from Bremen and do that kind of rock music I love, but don’t always have the energy to listen to. Like extreme math rock with hints of jazz, it often sounds like the three members are playing completely different songs from each other, yet somehow all the parts still fit perfectly together. The end results are instrumental and confusingly hypnotic.

If you like it, check out Scottish variants of the style from El Hombre Trajeado and Maxton Grainger.

But not the good kind.

Apologies to anyone out there who has recently tried to browse the site via an Apple computer. Safari browsers were freaking out over the stupidest of things and messing up the layout. But all seems to be resolved now thanks to some code picking from Onno, while I was having a nervous breakdown over my work.

Apart from that, I may be offline for a lot of this upcoming week, or stuck with dial-up at best, but I’ll try find time to post if possible.

mp3: The Rhino

website: http://www.theequasi.com

After being swamped with work this week I’ve had limited listening time, but there’s a lot of good stuff on the way over the next few months. One thing should be Quasi’s new album When the Going Gets Dark, which is out nearer the end of March (around the 20th I think).

I saw Quasi live last year supporting The Thermals, and despite not knowing much of the material played, they were good fun. And you can’t really go wrong if you get to see Janet Weiss play drums for 45 minutes. So yeah, enjoy this chaotic second track from their upcoming album.

The rest of the world has probably already seen this film, but it only kicks off its NL release tonight, seemingly only in the one cinema (Kriterion) in Amsterdam. But I did some poshified writing about it for the Amsterdam Weekly anyway, so here are the edited results if you’re still interested…

Heard the one about the man who walks into a talent agency? He says, ‘I’ve got an amazing family act for you.’ In his description of the fantabulous show he unleashes every swear word you’ve ever heard, and describes acts that trample on every taboo, shattering your already fragile morals. The agent looks horrified, but he can’t help asking the name of the act.

With a showbiz flourish, the man replies, ‘The Aristocrats!’

Cut down to its basic ingredients, it has to be one of the worst jokes ever: there are knock-knock and chicken jokes with sharper twists. So, could this one joke be worth a 90-minute movie?

Well, that would be missing the point a bit. You see The Aristocrats is a mainstay in the comedy world. It’s an in-joke, passed from comedian to comedian since vaudeville days, and it’s usually only performed by comedians for comedians because it’s so rude it would close down television networks and make paying audiences walk out. Yet when it’s told correctly, it will have you laughing out loud.

This documentary, directed by comedians Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette, attempts to explore the history and science of the joke’s performance, and tries to unlock the secrets of its success.

Promising 100 retellings by world famous–although primarily American–comics, it’s hard not to expect something special–especially given the kafuffle that’s preceded its release around the world, so far. Unfortunately, the film itself almost blows it right off the starting blocks. Immediately bombarding viewers with machine-gun swearing, vulgarity, bestiality, incest and paedophilia makes the statement that talking dirty just for the sake of it can be–but isn’t necessarily–funny. And in these days of desensitisation anyway, the things that should be shocking no longer are.

The editing makes things worse, leaving you feeling dizzy and nauseous with its rapid cuts. We see comedians finishing each other’s sentences and natural pauses removed. The introduction–which dives straight into the mystique and structure of the joke–is underwhelming; even a key opening recital by comedy legend George Carlin can only manage small laughs. At least his personal insights prove more entertaining.

Filmed on low-tech handheld cameras backstage at gigs, in restaurants, on streets, beaches and even in a public toilet, there’s absolutely no respite as comedians come and go. Some like Carlin, Robin Williams and Paul Reiser are revisited throughout the duration of the film, offering new insights, although each treading a lot of the same ground, while others vanish in a flash, managing only a basic recital of their favourite swear words.

But the film does improve. Like the joke itself, which requires momentum to build and build, The Aristocrats gets to a point where constant clock-watching becomes unnecessary, when the vulgarities drop, making way for some genuinely funny, bolder and more imaginative interpretations.

There are stand-out moments: Billy the Mime’s twisted pornographic comedy in front of an unsuspecting audience of passers-by; Eric Meade recreating the entire story in the form of a hilarious card trick; Penn & Teller adding their usual form of chaotic magic; Sarah Silverman turning the joke on its head to play the role of the daughter in the family act and South Park’s creators providing a naive animated version by Cartman.

Among all this, the editorial staff of The Onion debate the best techniques for modernising the joke and maintaining its shock value, while loudmouth Jewish comic Gilbert Gottfried demonstrates the difference environment can make. Sitting alone in a boardroom shouting, his style is nothing short of painful. Stuck onstage in front of a prickly New York audience just weeks after the September 11 attack, he uses the joke as an offensive defence, while his fellow comics roll around on the floor in hysterics and it becomes easier to comprehend the joke’s full power.

By the end, it’s hard not to come away thinking you should have laughed more, especially after enduring almost 10 minutes of credits accompanied by shots of each comedian breaking down in laughter. It’s worth remembering, though, that this is a documentary, not a scripted laugh-a-minute farce.

While there is a recurring thought that it’s a bad idea to tear apart and analyse a single joke for an hour-and-a-half, if The Aristocrats has one genuinely-worthwhile trait, that’s being able to look into the eyes of comics, delving into their mental processes as they improvise as fast as their tongue can wrap around the words. Only a select few in the film show the ability to be true masters of comedy. They serve an ultimate reminder to the rest of the bunch–words on their own aren’t funny, but layer them correctly and anything is possible.

True confession time. For someone who writes a fair amount about music, I almost never read music journalism anymore. I used to of course. Back in my youth I had subscriptions to various magazines, but I eventually grew bored of them as they couldn’t back my eclectic tastes. Then the internet took over the world anyway, so it was possible to stay ahead of the magazines while only buying something real for train and plane journeys. Now I don’t even bother with that.

But if there’s one piece of music journalism left that I do wholeheartedly enjoy, then that’s Comes With a Smile.

Sadly, however, this seasonal magazine is ending this month and I had been checking back to their website every day to get my preorder in early. Not that it sells out THAT fast, but it does usually sell out, and with this being the last issue, it’s (hopefully) guaranteed to.

Why do I like it? It’s design and photography is so pretty that it’s actually worth keeping on your book shelf, it’s made by people who care, who write about bands they want to, not because they have to, and it always features a CD of primarily unreleased music from good bands covering a wide variety of genres. Overall, each issue is a work of art and it’s going to be sad to have no more issues (i only have a handful as it is, having only discovered it a couple of years ago). So I recommend you check it out and send them off with an ultra-fast sell out. Besides, if you like it, there are still a selection of back issues that can be picked up, and chances are they feature interviews with some of your favourite bands.

Yesterday I was in Amsterdam to watch V for Vendetta (out in NL on March 30). I must confess, I didn’t know a massive amount about the story in advance and hadn’t read the graphic novel by Alan Moore that it was based on. So during the opening scenes, I wasn’t sure if it was going to be either really, really bad or really, really good.

And the thing is, I thought it was great fun. I will eventually have to articulate things properly for the newspaper, although that won’t be published until the release date, so by the time I’ve witnessed the rest of the world tearing it to shreds, I will of course be a complete turncoat and join in (joking). But I liked it and will happily go see it again when it comes out.

From the trailer, I was really suspicious of Natalie Portman, especially with an English accent, but even she couldn’t ruin it. The screenplay by the Wachowski Brothers is impressively verbal and fairly tight, and having had a peak at the comic last night, seemed to do it justice, updating the ideas to play up to modern fears. For an action film it was also fairly subtle and intelligent. Not forgetting that it’s an action film starring Stephen Fry(!), almost playing himself, and eventually taking part in a very funny Benny Hill sequence.

I don’t want to give too much else away right now, but yes, good fun.

I’ve had a few comments from people about the images on display, so thought I would make a brief post on it. All the images used in the page header are originals I found on my hard disk. Some are from my partner Natasja den Ouden who has a posh camera and likes taking photos regularly. But surprisingly, a lot were taken by myself, hence them being found on my hard disk. Why is that surprising? Well, I don’t really take many photos on my own, so when I finally do, it’s a pleasant shock when something comes out good.

There are a lot of Dutch influenced images in the folder waiting to be served. Many of Rotterdam and even a few taken around my office in Amsterdam. What may confuse some are the very non-European images from last year’s trip to Arizona. I have so many that are just so pretty, and it seemed a waste not to include a few. It’s just a shame I don’t have much in the way of Scottish images to add to the pile.

mp3: Coulter’s Snatch
mp3: Heat
mp3: Pretty Colors
mp3: Inquiring Minds
mp3: I Hate Your Kid (live - save link - don’t stream)
mp3: Folsom Prison Blues (live - save link - don’t stream)

website: http://www.hamellontrial.com

Yet another artist I fall back on ritualistically, I still remain certain Ed Hamell deserves your attention. His new album Songs for Parents Who Enjoy Drugs is out next week in America (not sure about a European release but may well be the same), so now seems as good a time as any to bring him back up.

An anti-folk hero, Hamell on Trial is one of the best guitar performers you can ever see live. Literally destroying his guitar onstage every night, whipping audience members’ eyes out with his broken .16 guage strings, it’s immense fun watching him as he breaks down spectators with his part stand-up, part musical assault.

The thing worth mentioning is that on record he can be quite different, taking time to try out ideas and layering instrumentation. In some ways it dilutes the power of his songs, which can either be completely venomous or sentimental when performed with just an acoustic guitar. But I don’t hold that against him. In fact, it means when you do get to see him live, it makes the raw versions that much more powerful.

So to demonstrate his power I’ve linked to four tracks from the new album, and two live tracks from a gig recorded in Stroudsburg, PA around Christmas. If you’re short of time, go straight to ‘Coulter’s Snatch’ which is aggressive, political and very funny. The other album tracks back-up my previous point, showing other sides to his songwriting. As for the live tracks, you simply must listen. In fact, I heartily recommend downloading the entire bootleg from here (available in ogg, mp3 and flac). But use these as tasters. Everyone in the world has to love ‘I Hate Your Kid’ (although this is an extended version which breaks into ‘Born to be Wild’ for a minute’), while he surely has to be one of the few performers in the world who can take a classic Johnny Cash moment like ‘Folsom Prison Blues’ and do it justice.

And if he ever comes your way, do go see him. He won’t disappoint, but he may spit water on you. Watching his lookalike on Masterchef Goes Large will simply not suffice.

mp3: Star Witness

website: Anti (seeing as there’s nothing really on the official site)

Almost three and a half years since Blacklisted was released, Neko Case has her new album out at the beginning of March - Fox Confessor Brings the Flood. I first heard bits of it about a month ago via the EPK available from her label site. I really recommend checking it out (although it can be slow to download) because it delves into the whole writing and recording process of the album and all the people involved, including the guys from Calexico, to name just a couple.

Influenced by Russian folk songs and dark stories, it’s as atmospheric as you could hope for, but it also has a good band feel too. Not to forget that the artwork looks absolutely adorable, making it well worth buying a real CD for once.

mp3: The Soldiering Life
mp3: Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect
mp3: The Engine Driver

website: http://www.decemberists.com

This post is dedicated to Marie, a native almost-Portlander based in Amsterdam, who was particularly excited to discover that The Decemberists are heading to Paradiso on May 18. Of course, most of the world accepts that they’re not really from Portland originally, and just claim to be in order to gain extra cool points. But if Scotland can claim Snow Patrol (though might not want to for much longer), then Portland can have The Decemberists.

Yet another of those situations when I confess I’m no great expert on the band, I’ve actually suffered a completely irrational reaction to them in the past. So irrational that I thought I didn’t like them having confused them with another D band that I can’t remember - surely not Deerhoof, who I think are great fun. Anyway, in recent weeks I’ve been trying to correct this wiring fault in my brain and I’m even considering buying a ticket for their Paradiso show. And while I’m sure everyone else in the indie scene is well aware of who they are and what they sound like by now, in case there are any others with a likewise irrational reaction, I thought I would link to these three mp3s from across their career.

The kind of news that gets me absolutely excited. Andrew Bird is heading back to Europe this spring. Yes, I know I go on about him a bit too often, but it’s genuine excitement so forgive me. Besides, the bulk of 2006 is set aside for him to record a new album, so any chance of catching him live is a bonus. Here are the dates.

April 30: Les Nuits de Botanique, Brussels
May 1: Cactus, Brugge
May 2: Soundstation, Liege
May 4: Doornroosje, Nijmegen
May 5: Paradiso, Amsterdam
May 6: Paradiso, Amsterdam

Not sure how accurate the double Amsterdam dates are, but it’s news straight off the mailing list so probably/hopefully true.