I’m lucky enough to be lucky enough to be watching videos at work again instead of actually having to do work. I am truly blessed. This time looks even more bovine than that previous, so without further ado, let’s skip into the marshes of popular culture once more.

1. Fergie - Glamorous
I have such little knowledge of Fergie that I could actually be 80, which is a shame in one way, but a relief in maybe a dozen others. All I know is that she contains lumps and that she also was in the Black-Eyed Peas, so defective food appears to be her “thing”. Here, she’s singing a song called Glamorous. She arrives at a “1994 Backyard Kegger” - an ominous start - where they all appear to be drinking out of paper cups, it’s dark and I think the idea, to us dims, is that they are poor. The fact this level of destitution also appears to include a large swimming pool - and enough facial reconstructive surgery to populate a school with the leftover bits - also evades them. Jennifer Lopez also said she was “Jenny from the block”, and I think this is Fergie’s version, but I can’t honestly be sure what’s happening, as she says she doesn’t care about the trappings of her fame, and then pushes them so far and obscenely into the TV screen while having a bright light shone in her face that you think David Cronenberg’s going to come in and make you vomit through your eyes while your fingers turn into your elbow. Oh, it has a rap in it, where the man is actually gagging as he raps, which is quite entertaining!
# Lifestyle so rich and famous,
Robin Leach will get jealous #,
he gaks. Who’s Robin Leach? Her plumber? They then say “If you ain’t got no money take your broke ass home”, which reminds me of Ricky Gervais laughing at disabled people. Fergie then spells Glamorous about 60 times and does it right every single time, so it wasn’t a totally wasted effort.

2. Pink - Leave Me Alone (I’m Lonely)
Pink And Her Paradoxes, what is she like? I hoped this was a cover of the only good Michael Jackson song of the last 20 years but nope, Pink did this all by herself, and much like you wouldn’t put all your kids’ pictures they bring back from school on the fridge, this one’s going to have phone numbers and a shopping list on the back of it by the end of the week. It’s a Song With Brackets which means it is Multi-layered and looks like Pink is essentially trying to dichotomise her feelings; she wants you to leave her alone but is also informing you of the possibility that she is also lonely. Do you see? She presents it as a title, but in the end, it’s the substance, the content, the text, if you will, with a con, that provides the key. This one is live from Wembley Arena and there’s cheering all the way through it, even though I think Pink is trying to make a very serious point. And yet she doesn’t seem too worried, which makes me wonder if she’s even in it to make a difference any more. I remember when she was going out and wanted to get this party started, but now, it’s all “leave me alone” and “I’m lonely”, “go away” and “come back”. I hate it when massive pop stars sell out to become humungous pop stars, it makes me feel empty. -er. Come back! Go away! Oh, I’m all confused now. Also, considering it’s supposed to be a live song, her voice sports so much Autotune, her face has sprouted piano keys.

3. The Sounds - Tony Da Beat
Uh-oh. I hate this.
Kind of weirdly empty, the sort of thing Goldfrapp people like, I think, to accompany their sunglasses. More like the feeling you get 15 mins after a bad wank, to be honest, and that includes the video.

4. James Morrison - Undiscovered
It’s just an endless tide of hate, this reviewing session, isn’t it? I don’t mean it to be, I honestly, honestly don’t. I love music! The Universal James Constant is at work here, or it was, but it seems that with global warming, the age-old natural balance of Jameses has somehow gone out of control. Someone has to make a stand or soon it’ll be Jameses as far as the eye can see. One dies - James Brown - but four arrive in his place - James Morrison, James Blunt, James Yorkston and, er, James. There are clearly too many Jameses in music at the moment, and this is one of the chief Jameses of the reason why. Why doesn’t he just go the full way and have a track where he says “Grande, Tall or Vente?” over some crockery clattering, so we don’t actually have to go to a coffee shop to hear him? He also looks a bit like a fish in a wig, which while not his fault, obviously, is disconcerting when he just appears on your screen begging for your cortical attention. His eyes are on the side of his head! But the music! The music! What about the video? Well, it goes like this. Bike. Wall. Wall. Wall. James. Hair. Wall. Rain. Man. Wall. Woman. Bridge. Briefcase. Wall. Hair. Bridge. Scarf. Wall. Wall. Wall. Teddy bear! Oh, a teddy bear! Oh. Wall. Wall. Man. Briefcase. House. Teeth. Woman. Wall. People. Wall. Teeth. Hair. Heart. Bridge. Wall. Wall. Wall. Wall. Wall. Wall. Wall. Wall. Wall. Wall. Wall.

5. Lucy Silvas - Sinking In
In which Abby from ER has a blonde wig and a few years after a car crash to recover then releases a single where she can’t hear the backing track properly so is asked to do as well as she can by watching the lights on the recording deck instead and sing around them. The video is on a white background with a man and there’s lots of cuts and jumps. Also, they’ve coloured her eyes in one of those special shades you don’t find in nature except maybe on horny geckos or maybe polonium. Oh, they used that effect in this video similar to those pictures you can buy on the weekly market for £2 of a composite picture of Obi-Wan’s face made up of thousands of details you didn’t notice in Star Wars cos they were boring like rocks on Tattooine, Han Solo’s waistcoat and a piece of cloth in the background in the weird alien bar. Is Lucy Silvas famous? How about now? ..How about now? There’s a man in this video who appears to be inspecting her back for acne, as far as I can tell, as she looks straight ahead. Nice to ask your doctor to be in your video, I suppose. Beats paying him. There’s a good bit where they play Scrabble, but as usual they didn’t realise this and instead let the song carry on to the end, where a minor chordy bit was added for variety and then the key change came in like a burglar in a noisy wheelchair. All of a sudden, the song wasn’t on any more and I went for a cup of tea.

So the new Andrew Bird album, Armchair Apocrypha, leaked on the internet this week. I really wouldn’t have known, but suddenly AB began leaping up the elbo.ws ranking, as seen on the right hand side of this page, and that raised my suspicions. So I immediately went out into the wide world and downloaded it.

Which isn’t it to say I’ve listened to it or intended on sharing it. With some releases I develop an irrational block, and while I’m gleeful at having a copy of the album on my computer, part of the joy stems from it just being there, if I wanted to hear it.

If you do wish to hear it, it’s probably not difficult to find. And even if you’re just looking for samples–I already provided plenty of live excerpts in 2006–you can easily look here for a list of bloggers covering it. It’s not without controversy, however, as a representative of AB has been requesting bloggers hold back on posting. You can read the whole thing here. It makes for an interesting read, with decent arguments from both sides. Not all that I’d agree with, but it’s worth going through.

My personal feeling is that downloads can only benefit an artist of AB’s stature. Those excited about the release and downloading it before the release date were already going to purchase it. Those who were merely curious about his work stand a good chance of falling head-over-heels for it–I’ve only seen positive responses for it so far–and in turn buying it when it’s released. As for those who were never going to buy it, well you can’t really regard them as a lost sale. It’s not always clean cut, but it’s how I feel it is regarding AB. Only time will tell.

Putting sales aside, another argument I’ve heard from some (of my favourite) artists, is that their art is being tainted by listening to inferior quality rips, or only hearing the album piece-by-piece by way of blogs. Then I’d ask those artists to consider that a large chunk of those who’ll support their art will be listening to it via computers, mp3 players, cars, or even just crap Hi-Fis, even if they did pay for a CD copy. And if audio quality is so crucial, why do so many of these same artists then allow audio streams–be they Flash or Real Audio–which are lesser quality than mp3s? How is that a vital introduction to your art?

I know my own view point is pretty warped and irrational in parts. Why else would I download albums then not listen to them? But when you look at it from the angle of artists I wasn’t so passionate about it, then labels would be losing sales from me without downloading. Twelve new CDs have come into my life this month. The majority of which I’d never have touched without downloading them first.

Why trust media? Why trust journalists? Why trust other kids sitting behind a computer? Why trust me? I love writing about music, and I love getting passionate about something and introducing others to it, but words only go so far. The purpose of this site is asking others to listen for themselves. I know too well from personal experience. All I have to do is turn around and face the CD racks behind me, and dotted around them are countless albums from the mid- to late-nineties and early-2000s, of which I was sold on two or three great songs, while the rest of the tracks are dull tripe. I own over 1000 CDs. Lots now sit in uncared for piles because they’re worth nothing to me. Owning EVERYTHING is no longer that important to me. There’s less money to go around, so wasting it on average/poor albums isn’t an option. Therefore, other than those artists I truly trust (Andrew Bird being one of them), I won’t buy physical products until I’ve explored whether they’re something I really need/want. A cloudy issue, sure, but it’s that or I buy nothing. Which would labels prefer?

In the grand scheme of things, the AB leak is quite a small thing–admittedly not to those involved, but still. Also leaked was the new Arcade Fire album, and I still cringe thinking about the Fall Out Boy quotes this week. While I barely know anything them and have only heard one song before, their arrogance is almost enough for me to download their album, not listen to it, and just keep it shared so that anyone can grab it. But I won’t, as effectively I’m lazy.

Anyway, thanks to the leak, it’s now possible to pre-order AB’s album from the American label. If not, you can glimpse the pretty artwork.

I have this recurring idea that 2007 can only lead to musical disappointment for me because the expectations are so high. January brings a new Kristin Hersh album, February brings Aereogramme, then March brings Andrew Bird. And to make matters more exciting, all of them are touring within the next two or three months. But in the back of my mind, I’ve also been aware that a new Neil Finn album has been scheduled for March, and while I’ve remained sceptical of it actually being released then–I continued to worry he’d scrap it all and go re-record it–it stands a chance.

The thing with the Neil Finn album, however, is that I’m desperate for him to take some chances. I want something more edgy and artistically challenging, and at this moment, I’ve no idea what to expect. But he did record the bulk of the record at Real World Studios in England with Ethan Johns (Ryan Adams, Ray Lamontagne), so there remains a tiny chance that it won’t be entirely sugar coated.

But this solo album has also been recorded with ex-Crowded House member Nick Seymour, and throughout the collaboration in 2006, a number of media stories broke claiming it was the beginning of a Crowded House reformation–something rubbished by the majority of fans, and put down to the media jumping to conclusions. But were they? Maybe it was excited leaks from record label personnel more than just fiction.

The point is, a Crowded House reformation is on. It was certainly an unexpected thing to wake up to this morning, but the Australian press are carrying the story, with confirmation from Peter Green–the fans’ closest connection with the band. So yes, Neil Finn, Nick Seymour and (the wonderful) Mark Hart will be touring together (seemingly) as Crowded House in 2007.

There are still many unanswered questions at this stage. Is the solo album due in March still regarded as a solo album? Will it be toured first as a separate entity? Who will play drums?

It’s an unexpected decision, because of all the things Neil Finn can do, reforming Crowded House doesn’t have to be one of them. Especially after drummer Paul Hester committed suicide back in 2005. Which itself is something that will divide fans, because many will claim the band can’t and shouldn’t exist without Hester. I’d have to disagree, purely for the fact the two occasions I saw Crowded House live were after Hester had originally left the band, yet both shows were magnificent and life changing for little old 16-year-old me.

Of course, the chances of any new reincarnation of Crowded House moving me like they did then are slim. But there’s a magical chemistry about those guys on stage, and as much as I loved their songs as songs, it was the live experience which raised them to another level altogether–the simple reason that I still have hoards of bootleg CDs taking up entire racks in the shelving behind me.

Anyway, it’s looking like I’ll get to relive some old times in 2007, as well as soaking up the more ground breaking material from a selection of my favourite artists. I’m not quite excited about the Crowded House aspect just yet, mainly because I’m waiting to see how it unravels, but it does add an unexpected twist to my musical year.

Keeping with the record label mail order today, I also took up an offer from Barsuk this week.

As mentioned previously last year, I’ve been very excited by the new Menomena album Friend or Foe. Browsing around for somewhere to order it online (as it’s officially released this coming week), I found an offer in the Barsuk shop for buying it together with debut album I Am the Fun Blame Monster for only $20. Even throwing in $8 of postage to get to Europe, it’s a bargain price.

You can listen to a full stream of Friend or Foe here too.

It was brought to my attention yesterday that Track and Field have a special offer running just now. It’s a lucky dip deal, and if you send them £10 via Paypal, they’ll send you six CDs in return (if you live in the UK, or have a UK address you can use). I figured there was nothing to lose. Track and Field have an excellent record of quality indie pop, and if for some reason I don’t like what I’m given, I can always give it away.

If you’re not aware of their signing and their sounds, visit here for a wide variety of mp3s.

Tool - 10,000 Days

mp3: Wings For Marie (part 1)
mp3: 10,000 Days (Wings part 2)
website: http://www.toolband.com

Is it controversial to be so uncool and still admire Tool so vehemently? Whatever, I originally came from a rock background and I just can’t shake it. And whatever their critics have to say, they’re as far from a traditional metal band as can be. It’s just a shame many of the fans are such donkeys. When 10,000 Days first leaked, so many didn’t like that it wasn’t full-on guitar noise, or whatever else, going so far to claim they (Tool) had leaked a fake album to punish downloaders. Then there was the continual online criticism of live sets too (not picking songs the real fans deserved), which almost had me believing it too, but having seen Tool live in November in Rotterdam…nah, they’re still a cripplingly good act and put on the most visual rock show around. And what other band bothered to release an album with built-in stereoscopic glasses and beautiful 3D artwork?

So I’m sharing two tracks from the album, which really come as a package deal anyway. Said to be about the death of Maynard’s mother from cancer (after 10,000 days of suffering), there’s not too much hard rocking going on, but it’s a million miles from a whiny ballad either. If you have negative Tool preconceptions and feel like breaking through them, give it a chance. And that bass groove in the second half of ‘10,000 Days’ gets me every time.

Buy

Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings the Flood

mp3: Dirty Knife
website: http://www.nekocase.com/

Why isn’t Neko a huge superstar by now? Sure, she’s popular, but she still doesn’t get the recognition she deserves. Yet from the moment I saw a preview of the Fox Confessor Brings The Flood artwork, I was completely in rapture with this album, and the music lived up to all expectations.

Unlike the other albums in my top four, which explore their ideas through lengthy dialogues and moments of musical grandeur, Neko opted to keep things simple. Her stories are powerful and almost hurtful at times, but she really squeezed the concepts on this album. The songs are shorter with less repetition—no verses and choruses repeating ad infinitum. This in turn often left me wanting, or yearning, for more, but it’s just how it is—a beautiful collection of music. And while it appeared way back last winter/spring, it remains firmly on my mind.

It was a joy to see songs from the album performed live too. I still think Dutch audiences are a bit too restrained for her tastes. She seems more nervous in front of a foreign audience than that of a native English-speaking crowd, but she oozes vocal magnificence and always travels with an excellent array of musicians too. It’s also due to the live performance that I chose ‘Dirty Knife’ to share. Far from being the most instant song on the album, it’s one of the most rewarding in the long term, and looking down from the balcony in Nighttown, I witnessed this performed with a delightful cymbal performance. You should always remember to appreciate good cymbal play.

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Joanna Newsom - Ys

mp3: Cosmia
website: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joanna_Newsom

Ah, Joanna. How I used to hate you so.

Completely seriously, the sound of Joanna Newsom’s voice on her previous album The Milk-Eyed Mender was enough to induce vomiting in the world of Stayfun. It was pretty impossible to sit on the fence regarding it. I know many loved the sound of her, but to me it was the most atrocious singing voice in the world. Which makes the inclusion of Joanna Newsom in my top three so very impressive. In fact, it could have been number two. If I was bolder it could even be number one. In the end, I settled on three, partly because of my previous experiences, and partly with the fact that the album came to me so late in the year—really just during the last six weeks.

That said, I’ve listened to Ys over and over and over. Rarely a lengthy train journey passes where it doesn’t get brought out. I know that it’ll take me all the way from Rotterdam Lombardijen to just outside Haarlem. Or if I get an international train from Rotterdam Centraal, it’ll ease me right into Amsterdam Centraal. Which is irrelevant to the reader, but it’s my personal experience.

It’s just such a wonderfully complete album, and it is near perfect. Fantastic lyricism, intelligent composition, amazing orchestral arrangements, and a much tamer but also totally enrapturing vocal performance. I just love it. So much so that I’d even want to go see her live now. Plus I continue to gain something new from it on every listen. Sometimes I focus solely on the lyrics, sometimes I’m locked right into the music. It’s ever-changing and new favourite segments keep jumping out at me.

I originally commissioned Dermot (other Stayfun writer) to write about Ys last month, and he did it much more succinctly. But to be fair, he was recycling many of my own ideas as I completely fell for it about two weeks before him and enticed him to follow suit. Anyway, I’ve chosen to share closing track ‘Cosmia’, simply because it’s so pretty.

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The Decemberists - The Crane Wife

mp3: The Island: Come And See / The Landlord’s Daughter / You’ll Not Feel The Drowning
website: http://www.decemberists.com/

I listened to The Decemberists more than many other bands in 2006. For one thing, it took me until then to catch onto Picaresque, and their live show at Paradiso back in May was also terribly good fun. So much so, I finally bothered to buy tickets for their upcoming show—I continue to hear their music used on occasional TV trailers, gardening shows and home makeover progs, and that’s just me flipping through, so I figure if they’re actually getting more exposure, there is a chance they could actually sell out in advance.

Anyway, I guess The Crane Wife leaked in the summer and I listened to the mp3s a lot. It was immediately different in sound to their previous work but I could get what they were trying—whereas loads of others online seemed to be saying, ‘This is shit! I’m not gonna buy it! That’ll teach them!’. But despite the slightly cleaned up sound, I could hear the ways in which Colin Meloy and the others were experimenting and trying to develop the ideas. Like many leaks, however, the thrill passed long before the CD got near any shops, and the album dropped back off my radar. It wasn’t until around November when I began to use my CD player again that it came back into my life, living permanently in there as I was too lazy to change it. But how different it sounded compared to the leak. Bigger, clearer, brighter…A couple of tracks don’t fully hit home with me, but I don’t dislike them. Overall, I enjoy the journey from beginning to end, and I’ve chosen to share ‘The Island: Come And See / The Landlord’s Daughter / You’ll Not Feel The Drowning’ not simply because I’m an awkward bugger and like sharing long files, but because it’s one of my favourites.

Buy

Dosh - The Lost Take

mp3: Fireball
website: http://www.doshfamily.com/

The simplicity of the Dosh formula is the reason why it won’t top too many ‘best of’ lists, but it’s that simplicity that I adore. A drummer, percussionist, organist and sampler, Dosh layers his analogue sounds with complete digital control. Maybe I wouldn’t love it so much if I hadn’t seen it done in person, but it’s a joy to watch him operate. Particularly in that first night at Paradiso in support of Andrew Bird, he was really on form, caught in the groove, tossing his metal chimes around and being really friendly and talkative with the audience. And that’s the only reason I know the voices on this track ‘Fireball’ are the very young kids from a school play he once featured in.

Buy

I couldn’t really separate these ten albums into an actual countdown. I’ve loved each at different points of the year and for many different reasons, but pretty much all of these have given me much pleasure, both sitting at home and while out and about with my mp3 player. MP3s and samples can be found by visiting most of the websites linked, or by searching through the stayfun archive.

Numbers 1-5 will be posted later in individual posts. Oh the drama. But first, the albums…

Under Byen - Samme Stof Som Stof

What can I say about Under Byen that I haven’t said over and over and over throughout 2006. Beautiful, hypnotic arrangements, driving percussion, organic sounds and wonderfully constructed compositions. Some may find the ethereal distant vocals of Henriette Sennenvaldt a bit overdone, but not me. I think everyone should give this album a go and put aside any fears about Danish lyricism.

My Latest Novel – Wolves

Big things finally happened for this Glasgow/Greenock bunch in 2006. Having known their music for a couple of years before the album was actually released, there was always the chance it wouldn’t live up to my expectations. That wasn’t the case though. From their cheery twee indie pop moments to the darker chants and drones, it’s a lovely complete piece. Just forget about all those mainstream Arcade Fire comparisons because they’re their own band.

About - Bongo

The one album of the year I’d famously listen to on a loop. Short, sharp and fun, this is my ideal blend of electro and punk-pop with great melodic hooks.

Grizzly Bear – Yellow House

This is one album I didn’t think would make it onto my end of year list. I’ve loosely followed Grizzly Bear since before the release of this debut album. Early in the year they visited Europe a couple of times in support of Final Fantasy and I took a liking to them then. But when the album came out and the hype exploded, I wasn’t convinced. There were moments of greatness, but I’d also drift off through much of the middle of the album. It eventually won me over though. It sounds remarkably sonic despite the lo-fi recording techniques. The structures and melodies create a lovely fairytale lullaby feel. And then there’s ‘On a Neck, On a Spit’, the song I really get excited about. If you haven’t heard Grizzly Bear yet, start with track eight.

Isis & Aereogramme – In the Fishtank

Only three songs, but how could I not get excited about two of my favourite bands writing and recording together. Originally recorded in Amsterdam in 2005, it finally saw the light of day in the second half of 2006. Not the heavy monster most expected, it’s layered carefully and cunningly. Rather than stomping in and slashing you with huge claws, it creeps up on you like a tense Japanese horror film.

The Delgados – The Complete BBC Peel Sessions

Not truly an original release seeing as half of this compilation had been put out before. But still, The Delgados need never release a proper greatest hits compilation when they have a double disc set like this with most of their best songs on it. I still miss The Delgados, so this was a great way of keeping their spirit and music close by.

Blues Brother Castro – Fun

I’ve never properly written about this album, I fear. It took a long time to grow on me—longer than their previous album anyway. And in fact, even once it had, I hadn’t realised because it mainly happened while listening to mp3s on random. Then one day I stuck it on, knew all the songs word for word and just loved it. So much so that I was extremely excited about seeing BBC at the Subbacultcha! anniversary night in Paradiso in December, only for them to be forced to pull out on the day because someone had inconveniently gone into labour or something. Anyway, they’re my Dutch rock band of the year.

Toumani Diabaté - Boulevard de l’Indépendance

2006 was the year I properly discovered Afropop. It’s a shame it’s only represented by this one album in my list, but much of what I was listening to wasn’t released in the space of that year. This album is terribly fun and uplifting, though, and I long to hear music like this adopted more freely by mainstream media because it’s impossible not to feel good when listening to it. Joined by his Symmetric Orchestra, the horns blast and everyone wants to dance. It’s not contrived pop, it’s not cynical, just heartfelt music.

Mastodon – Blood Mountain

The band that made me feel like it was okay to enjoy heavy metal again. A real contemporary metal outfit who’ve put the final nail in the coffin of nu-metal. They’re a bit prog-rock for some but I love their fiddly guitars. More importantly, they’re unapologetically heavy and great at it. There’s something about their sound and style which feels completely fresh. It’s just a shame that when I saw them supporting Tool in Rotterdam, their sound was as poor as could be—just a muddy swamp of bass drum and growls.

Youngblood Brass Band – Is That a Riot?

Apparently there are no traditional hiphop outfits on this list, which doesn’t mean I dislike the genre. But there’s definitely no other hiphop band that has impressed me as greatly as Youngblood Brass Band in 2006. All brass section and marching band percussion, their sound is powerful, and nothing has gotten me as worked up in the last 12 months than the opening two tracks of this album. Beyond that, the ensemble touch on soul, jazz and mariachi. If only I’d caught them live because the atmosphere they generate is electric.

Seven days into 2007. I’m back in NL. Christmas was hectic. Eating, travelling, not too much drinking, but some. Came back from Scotland–after a week of no music other than bad videos–with a cold and proceeded to face work and the neverending story that is the Amsterdam Weekly agenda. But I don’t feel too bad today, and I’m taking care of my favourite piece of writing of each year–my albums of the year list.

I had hoped to take care of it in December, but it wasn’t to be.

Happy Christmas and all that crap.

It’s been a quieter month in Stayfun land, with broken computers, travel and endless work getting in the way of good music exploration. But most of those have been solved now, so here I am on Christmas Day with some quick thoughts.

Berlin is super cool. Hugely hyped by all the hip kids these days, but they’re pretty much right. Berlin is a nice place to be and I want to go back.

It’s a pain when hard disks and Windows totally conspire against you and leave you with nothing but a base system on an ancient hard disk with absolutely no audio or video media. The situation was resolved with the purchase of a 400GB Samsung drive which is doing a good job currently. It’s quiet. Maybe not as quiet as I desire, but it’s screwed into the chassis currently, rather than hanging off elastic like my previous setup, so that plays a big part in any noise.

As for work, I’m officially on holiday, but I sometimes wonder if I’m borderline workaholic because when I don’t have work to do, I’m never fully sure what to do, and often end up finding bits of work to do. Of course I could never be a proper workaholic. I’m too lazy for that.

Enough rambling. Here is some music:

mp3: Tchaikovsky - The Nutcracker excerpt - Pas de deux: Intrada

It’s Christmassy. This track is also a bit dramatic. It’s in honour of going to see it performed on Friday night in Amsterdam by the Tchaikovsky Perm Ballet, who put on a very pretty show.

On Friday evening, I visited the press opening of Bodies in Amsterdam at Beurs van Berlage. Seeing as I don’t actually have to review things in the newspaper, just preview them, here are some very loose impressions.

In case you’ve somehow never heard of it, the general idea is to find some dead bodies, preferably from China, ask as few questions about their background as possible, slice them, dice them, and hang them out to teach us how the human body works.

Getting straight to the point, I felt the exhibition was fairly interesting, but upon leaving, I didn’t feel like I was going home with a whole new understanding of how the human body works. They obviously intend it to be educational, and it’s undoubtedly very visual, but I don’t think you’re going to learn a great deal more about human biology without a lot more literature. Maybe the audio tour is much more revealing, and they did have some ‘experts’ on hand in a couple of room, but from what I saw, everyone was steering clear of them. At least all the information is presented in Dutch and English. It was just unfortunate that on all the main boards, the English text was literally round the back and virtually unlit, although the benefit of that was they weren’t crowded, so you could get in to read them.

Personally, I wasn’t shocked by any of it. There seems to be an aura of suspense around the exhibition and some people did look genuinely nervous walking into the building. I was actually more surprised by how unreal the bodies looked, and because they weren’t encased in glass, I had initially thought the bodies in the opening room were just models. It’s nice that you can get so up close to them, and many people really were, almost prodding them. But it’s weird that any curious little kid can escape the clutches of their parents and go pulling on real tendons or nerves before anyone stops them.

The reason why I wasn’t particularly shocked by it was that the ‘model quality’ made it all seem very inert to me. Previously I had watched a four-part documentary by mad German Gunther von Hagens, and having seen someone dissecting a real body on TV is a bit more intense than standing next to the treated parts. For example, the case containing a complete layer of skin was really freaking some people out, but it’s much more disturbing to watch it being peeled off in the first place.

The bits I probably enjoyed most were the room showing the arteries in various body parts, and also the foetuses. The latter comes with a warning, and I can see why some would be sensitive to it, but there’s nothing abominable in there. In fact, I probably found this to be the most educational room in the exhibition, as you really get a sense of foetal development–much more so than looking at photos in a book.

So it was good in a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ way, because it is a pretty unique opportunity to learn more about ourselves and how fragile life can be. But if I was paying the €20 entrance fee, I wouldn’t have been so enthused. It does seem overly pricey for an exhibition you can do in an hour. Then consider they’re shifting t-shirts and memorabilia at similarly high prices, and it does make you wonder where exactly the profits all go (statements about donations to medical research seem kind of vague).

Right, I know I’m typically the one to break gig news, but come on, someone could have given me a heads up that Nine Inch Nails are playing Amsterdam Paradiso on March 21 and 22. Instead I finally get to sleep-in, and wake up to an email announcing it after it’s apparently sold out. Damn.

Of course, I’m hugely wary of spending around €50 on any band, but I’m still under 30 and I still loves to dance to the Nails, as with that glorious night in July 2005 at Glasgow Barrowlands and a rainy field at Glastonbury 2000. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to settle for Kim Wilde on February 22 as an industrial rockin’ substitute. That would be a great garden-friendly gig the day after The Decemberists.

The circumstance has forced me to look further forward into the gig future, rather than the two or three weeks I’m used to with work, and while there’s some absolute crap on the 2007 horizon, it’s nice to note that Built to Spill are booked into Paradiso next May. Long way off though.